A commonly heard complaint from many of the couples we work with is that their married life is so radically different from their dating life. Boyfriends who used to open doors and pull out chairs have become husbands who no longer bother, and girlfriends who used to listen have become wives who nag. What you get is a marriage in danger of failing and a lot of unhappy and unfulfilled husbands and wives.

If this sounds at all familiar to you, I urge you to consider getting Christian marriage help. We’ve even put together a free DVD to help you on your way! My husband Joel and I have been able to help over 10,000 couples overcome the problems plaguing their marriages. We would love to help you too.

We accept this sea change in our marriages as a natural progression; we’re told that’s just the way it is. Conventional Christian marriage advice says that we are expecting too much out of our marriage, and we ought to just lower those high expectations. Often the myth of married life as miserable is played up in sitcoms and on movie screens. But this is the wrong way to think about our marriages. You must never, ever lower the expectations you have for your relationship.

God did not give us the gift of matrimony so that we would be unhappy. God never once planned for our marriages to be less wonderful than our dating relationships. God is precisely the same yesterday, today, and forever. He never intended for our marriages to take on a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde life of their own. What we present to our spouses in the beginning is what we must continue living throughout our marriage. Joel and I believe that Christian marriage counseling should revolve around the fact that God loves us and wants us to love each other through marriage. This is why we must remember to honor our vows to love, honor, and cherish our husbands and wives today as we loved, honored, and cherished them before we were married. Through God’s strength and love, we can enjoy a relationship that is exciting and fulfilling for years after it first began.

Each of us brings baggage to a marriage, and we’ve been told that everything in those emotional suitcases is vitally important.

And we’ve also been told that this baggage is what causes strife within our marriages.When it comes to marriage, we need to realize those suitcases just plain don’t matter.

Incidentally, before we continue you should on up to the top of this page and watch the free video we’ve posted for you. We’re giving away a FREE DVD today. The full story is in that video at the top of the page. So please take a look.

Joel and I didn’t have perfect or happy childhoods. We both struggled with past issues, as we all do. Joel, a child of divorce and a pastor’s son, struggled with his father’s remarriage.

Joel and his brother began using drugs, and by middle school Joel was already in big trouble.

Joel remained emotionally where he had always been; an immature ten year old. He was still that child inside an adult’s body by the time we got married.

Factor in the stumbling blocks of my own. Before I started kindergarten, I was molested.

This, coupled with the court trial that followed, added an immense amount of baggage to me at only five years old. When I finally got to kindergarten, things weren’t much better.

After a fellow classmate tricked me into a box during Hide-and-Seek, I vowed I would never go back to school again. I couldn’t. For the rest of my school years I was the ugly girl; the girl with the crooked teeth.

I brought all of this weight with me to our marriage, years later. When Joel and I began marriage counselling, we were told my baggage was the reason our marriage was failing. This wasn’t exactly the kind of advice we needed, but it was something we trusted because nearly all the people we knew believed in it.

What I didn’t realize was that Joel was pushing my buttons because he was hitting on the same things my abusers had hit on. He had zeroed in unknowingly on all of the hurt and baggage that was inside of me.

My abuser had taken away my power when I was five, and Joel was once again taking away my power when we fought by rekindling the violation I had felt so long ago.

At the time, Joel was afraid of confronting the heavy stuff. He’d often say, “Go talk to your girlfriends, go talk to God.”. I can’t handle this; it’s too heavy for me!I exploded because of his unwillingness to help me explore and heal my pain. Our marriage was crumbling.

But I’m here to tell you that just like Jesus loved and healed the Church, a husband can love and heal his wife.

I stand here now a whole woman — and someone who has found the strength to forgive those who hurt me. It’s all because of what the Lord has done in our marriage. I have been healed by Joel’s unconditional love. Had we followed traditional Christian marriage counseling methods, we never would have learned the truth.

Joel has healed too, as a result of his unlimited and pure love for me. We are stronger and happier than we have ever been, through the grace and power of God.  Amen.