Imagine that you are in a relationship that is problematic and confusing.

Imagine what it might feel like if your spouse were to ignore you or start an argument with you each day.

Think about yourself in this position and consider how your marriage would continue like this if something wasn’t done to restore the relationship to a healthy one. Now imagine that when you search for advice you’re told not to complain about your situation.

What if you were told that you were supposed to submit to your spouse and let them run the marriage any way they want. It may sound like a bizarre method, but this is what has been taught to couples over the past fifty years.

This grin-and-bear-it attitude won’t save marriages, it will dilute them further, forcing both partners apart. The Christian marriage help my wife and I provide tries to break free from these ideas.

Traditional marriage advice told women to submit to her husband and to praise him has harmed so many marriages before.

My wife and I are speaking out to teach people the opposite of that with our Christian marriage help. A wife SHOULD submit to her husband. BUT, the husband must also submit to his wife. We call this “mutual submission.” We want women to have a voice, and we want them to be able to confront their husbands when they are unhappy.

Imagine if a coworker of yours was bothering you in some way? Maybe they are spiteful and difficult to be around, or maybe they don’t do their share of work.

Would you to let the coworker continue on with their behavior and hope that your willingness to submit would please them enough to reverse their actions or would you talk to them and try to resolve the problem?

Most likely, you would talk to your coworker and try to work through the conflict. Doesn’t marriage deserve even more effort than a relationship with a coworker.

Because communication is paramount in a marriage it would not make sense to advise cutting off communication and blindly accepting every flaw in your partner?

Instead of that being a step towards a better marriage, it would be ten steps away from each other.

Through a new kind of Christian marriage help we want to show couples how to work together and understand each other. Women were told by ministries and marriage advice books to always submit to their husbands.

Men were not taught how to communicate and work with their wives at all.

Knowledge brings the healing, I strongly believe that. Men must learn to be the husband that their wife needs, and I feel that they can do that.

Now imagine yourself in a healthy relationship that works because of the communication between partners. We teach both spouses how to take responsibility for their actions as well as for their marriage.

When both partners learn to properly communicate they are able to achieve harmony in their marriage.

Each of us brings baggage to a marriage, and we’ve been told that everything in those emotional suitcases is vitally important.

And we’ve also been told that this baggage is what causes strife within our marriages.When it comes to marriage, we need to realize those suitcases just plain don’t matter.

Incidentally, before we continue you should on up to the top of this page and watch the free video we’ve posted for you. We’re giving away a FREE DVD today. The full story is in that video at the top of the page. So please take a look.

Joel and I didn’t have perfect or happy childhoods. We both struggled with past issues, as we all do. Joel, a child of divorce and a pastor’s son, struggled with his father’s remarriage.

Joel and his brother began using drugs, and by middle school Joel was already in big trouble.

Joel remained emotionally where he had always been; an immature ten year old. He was still that child inside an adult’s body by the time we got married.

Factor in the stumbling blocks of my own. Before I started kindergarten, I was molested.

This, coupled with the court trial that followed, added an immense amount of baggage to me at only five years old. When I finally got to kindergarten, things weren’t much better.

After a fellow classmate tricked me into a box during Hide-and-Seek, I vowed I would never go back to school again. I couldn’t. For the rest of my school years I was the ugly girl; the girl with the crooked teeth.

I brought all of this weight with me to our marriage, years later. When Joel and I began marriage counselling, we were told my baggage was the reason our marriage was failing. This wasn’t exactly the kind of advice we needed, but it was something we trusted because nearly all the people we knew believed in it.

What I didn’t realize was that Joel was pushing my buttons because he was hitting on the same things my abusers had hit on. He had zeroed in unknowingly on all of the hurt and baggage that was inside of me.

My abuser had taken away my power when I was five, and Joel was once again taking away my power when we fought by rekindling the violation I had felt so long ago.

At the time, Joel was afraid of confronting the heavy stuff. He’d often say, “Go talk to your girlfriends, go talk to God.”. I can’t handle this; it’s too heavy for me!I exploded because of his unwillingness to help me explore and heal my pain. Our marriage was crumbling.

But I’m here to tell you that just like Jesus loved and healed the Church, a husband can love and heal his wife.

I stand here now a whole woman — and someone who has found the strength to forgive those who hurt me. It’s all because of what the Lord has done in our marriage. I have been healed by Joel’s unconditional love. Had we followed traditional Christian marriage counseling methods, we never would have learned the truth.

Joel has healed too, as a result of his unlimited and pure love for me. We are stronger and happier than we have ever been, through the grace and power of God.  Amen.