Genesis 3:16 and a Woman’s Desire for Her Husband

by Joel & Kathy

“Underneath a Wife’s Hurt, Anger, Pain and Frustration is a Heart that Just Wants to be Loved. Underneath a Husband’s Hurt, Anger, Pain and Frustration is a heart that Just Wants to be In Control.”
This is the bottom line of Genesis 3:16
God created women with a desire for their husband. THAT is not a curse. See Song of Solomon 7:10. When this Hebrew word is referenced between a man and woman, it is an intense, longing, romantic desire.
The CURSE is that this man who she so desires – whom she has that “do not quit” attitude toward (which is the only hope we men had when we were bad husbands!) – that man who she is created to desire with all of her heart…  he will RULE over her.
This RULING is the CURSE of SIN.
When we are born again, we are REDEEMED from the curse of the law, so a man who is born again should say, “I redeem you honey, from the curse. I will not rule over you, ever. I will nurture, love, honor, value and support you.”
So – at the bottom of every woman’s heart is a desire to be loved and cherished by her man. That desire is put there by God, before the sin happened. God was simply setting the curse up…   a wife has a desire for her husband and he will crush that heart.
At the bottom of every man’s heart, is that desire to be in control. The desire to be in control is the curse of sin. So in the carnal nature of a man, the desire is to be in control.
This control is not just to be in control of his wife. It is to be in control of HIMSELF!  Think of the passive husband we wrote about in “The Man of Her Dreams/The Woman of His!”  She is flipping out, being VERY aggressive (Passive aggressive: He is passive and that makes her VERY aggressive!)  So she is being aggressive and he is digging his heels in… “I shall not be, I shall not be moved…”
His determination to be in control of himself is the curse of sin. A man is designed to GIVE himself to his wife.. not to be in control of himself.
So – for a wife – underneath the pain, the hurt, the wounding, the anger.. their is a heart that just wants to be loved.
For a husband – underneath the pain, the hurt, the wounding, the anger.. their is a heart that just wants to be in control.
“Being a victtim” is really scowled at in the world of .25 cent pop psychology. That is sad.. because if the Bible is true, a woman IS a victim of the curse of sin.
She has a desire for her husband and he crushes her heart. Her heart is reaching out to him and he is defrauding her.
What is her second curse of sin? Pain in childbirth. If THAT is not being  victim, I don’t know what is.
We men take great PRIDE in OUR part of the curse!  We take great pride in “being in control” (the first part of the curse) and we even take great pride in working hard to earn a living! (the sweat of our brow!)
So we men are activated by the curse! We are ENERGIZED by the curse in our carnal nature! We become workaholics and our narcissism and self-centeredness increases…  we PRIDE ourselves on “overcoming” the challenges of earning a living.  Then we PRIDE ourselves in being control of ourselves and our wives.. whether he are aggressive or whether he is passive.
Ladies, your temptation to “sin” is in getting angry, hardened and embittered. That is Satan’s goal. If he can get a woman to be hardened and embittered then he wins. If he can get her to react in the opposite way – desperately enabling her husband to continue to treat her like crap because she is afraid of losing him, then Satan wins.
Men, your temptation is to EMBRACE the curse by demanding that YOU are in control of YOU – and for the aggressive guys, that YOU are in control also of your WIFE.

“Underneath a Wife’s Hurt, Anger, Pain and Frustration is a Heart that Just Wants to be Loved. Underneath a Husband’s Hurt, Anger, Pain and Frustration is a heart that Just Wants to be In Control.”

This is the bottom line of Genesis 3:16

God created women with a desire for their husband. THAT is not a curse. See Song of Solomon 7:10. When this Hebrew word is referenced between a man and woman, it is an intense, longing, romantic desire.

The CURSE is that this man who she so desires – whom she has that “do not quit” attitude toward (which is the only hope we men had when we were bad husbands!) – that man who she is created to desire with all of her heart…  he will RULE over her.

This RULING is the CURSE of SIN.

When we are born again, we are REDEEMED from the curse of the law, so a man who is born again should say, “I redeem you honey, from the curse. I will not rule over you, ever. I will nurture, love, honor, value and support you.”

So – at the bottom of every woman’s heart is a desire to be loved and cherished by her man. That desire is put there by God, before the sin happened. God was simply setting the curse up…   a wife has a desire for her husband and he will crush that heart.

At the bottom of every man’s heart, is that desire to be in control. The desire to be in control is the curse of sin. So in the carnal nature of a man, the desire is to be in control.

This control is not just to be in control of his wife. It is to be in control of HIMSELF!  Think of the passive husband we wrote about in “The Man of Her Dreams/The Woman of His!”  She is flipping out, being VERY aggressive (Passive aggressive: He is passive and that makes her VERY aggressive!)  So she is being aggressive and he is digging his heels in… “I shall not be, I shall not be moved…”

His determination to be in control of himself is the curse of sin. A man is designed to GIVE himself to his wife.. not to be in control of himself.

So – for a wife – underneath the pain, the hurt, the wounding, the anger.. their is a heart that just wants to be loved.

For a husband – underneath the pain, the hurt, the wounding, the anger.. their is a heart that just wants to be in control.

“Being a victtim” is really scowled at in the world of .25 cent pop psychology. That is sad.. because if the Bible is true, a woman IS a victim of the curse of sin.

She has a desire for her husband and he crushes her heart. Her heart is reaching out to him and he is defrauding her.

What is her second curse of sin? Pain in childbirth. If THAT is not being  victim, I don’t know what is.

We men take great PRIDE in OUR part of the curse!  We take great pride in “being in control” (the first part of the curse) and we even take great pride in working hard to earn a living! (the sweat of our brow!)

So we men are activated by the curse! We are ENERGIZED by the curse in our carnal nature! We become workaholics and our narcissism and self-centeredness increases…  we PRIDE ourselves on “overcoming” the challenges of earning a living.  Then we PRIDE ourselves in being control of ourselves and our wives.. whether he are aggressive or whether he is passive.

Ladies, your temptation to “sin” is in getting angry, hardened and embittered. That is Satan’s goal. If he can get a woman to be hardened and embittered then he wins. If he can get her to react in the opposite way – desperately enabling her husband to continue to treat her like crap because she is afraid of losing him, then Satan wins.

Men, your temptation is to EMBRACE the curse by demanding that YOU are in control of YOU – and for the aggressive guys, that YOU are in control also of your WIFE.

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Joel March 30, 2010 at 2:01 pm

Sorry that you are stuck in that mentality. Your “understanding” is the way that the church taught this verse for 50 years. Today we see the result of it. You will see the result of it in your own marriage as you strive to keep your wife from having any control or say-so over you in your life.

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