Christian Marriage Help – Why One-Sided Submission Doesn’t Work

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by Joel & Kathy

Imagine that you are in a relationship that is problematic and confusing.

Imagine what it might feel like if your spouse were to ignore you or start an argument with you each day.

Think about yourself in this position and consider how your marriage would continue like this if something wasn’t done to restore the relationship to a healthy one. Now imagine that when you search for advice you’re told not to complain about your situation.

What if you were told that you were supposed to submit to your spouse and let them run the marriage any way they want. It may sound like a bizarre method, but this is what has been taught to couples over the past fifty years.

This grin-and-bear-it attitude won’t save marriages, it will dilute them further, forcing both partners apart. The Christian marriage help my wife and I provide tries to break free from these ideas.

Traditional marriage advice told women to submit to her husband and to praise him has harmed so many marriages before.

My wife and I are speaking out to teach people the opposite of that with our Christian marriage help. A wife SHOULD submit to her husband. BUT, the husband must also submit to his wife. We call this “mutual submission.” We want women to have a voice, and we want them to be able to confront their husbands when they are unhappy.

Imagine if a coworker of yours was bothering you in some way? Maybe they are spiteful and difficult to be around, or maybe they don’t do their share of work.

Would you to let the coworker continue on with their behavior and hope that your willingness to submit would please them enough to reverse their actions or would you talk to them and try to resolve the problem?

Most likely, you would talk to your coworker and try to work through the conflict. Doesn’t marriage deserve even more effort than a relationship with a coworker.

Because communication is paramount in a marriage it would not make sense to advise cutting off communication and blindly accepting every flaw in your partner?

Instead of that being a step towards a better marriage, it would be ten steps away from each other.

Through a new kind of Christian marriage help we want to show couples how to work together and understand each other. Women were told by ministries and marriage advice books to always submit to their husbands.

Men were not taught how to communicate and work with their wives at all.

Knowledge brings the healing, I strongly believe that. Men must learn to be the husband that their wife needs, and I feel that they can do that.

Now imagine yourself in a healthy relationship that works because of the communication between partners. We teach both spouses how to take responsibility for their actions as well as for their marriage.

When both partners learn to properly communicate they are able to achieve harmony in their marriage.

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Rowland Croucher January 5, 2010 at 11:23 pm

A good, helpful, balanced approach!

(Rev. Dr.) Rowland Croucher
http://jmm.aaa.net.au

john October 14, 2010 at 4:56 pm

let’s say you know who you are, what your faults are and what you need to change to make your marriage work. you’re willing to do anything to fix your marriage and you’re trying hard, but the other person still always the same, bringing back the past to present, reminding you the same mistakes you made many months ago, having security and trusting issues, making up things. I believe there has to be mutual cooperation between husband and wife and both need to be willing to work it out, but what if the other person’s concept of you never changes it does not matter how hard you try. what can you do?. please i appreciate any answer.

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