Christian Marriage Help – Overcoming Baggage In Your Marriage

by Joel & Kathy

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Each of us brings baggage to a marriage, and we’ve been told that everything in those emotional suitcases is vitally important.

And we’ve also been told that this baggage is what causes strife within our marriages.When it comes to marriage, we need to realize those suitcases just plain don’t matter.

Incidentally, before we continue you should on up to the top of this page and watch the free video we’ve posted for you. We’re giving away a FREE DVD today. The full story is in that video at the top of the page. So please take a look.

Joel and I didn’t have perfect or happy childhoods. We both struggled with past issues, as we all do. Joel, a child of divorce and a pastor’s son, struggled with his father’s remarriage.

Joel and his brother began using drugs, and by middle school Joel was already in big trouble.

Joel remained emotionally where he had always been; an immature ten year old. He was still that child inside an adult’s body by the time we got married.

Factor in the stumbling blocks of my own. Before I started kindergarten, I was molested.

This, coupled with the court trial that followed, added an immense amount of baggage to me at only five years old. When I finally got to kindergarten, things weren’t much better.

After a fellow classmate tricked me into a box during Hide-and-Seek, I vowed I would never go back to school again. I couldn’t. For the rest of my school years I was the ugly girl; the girl with the crooked teeth.

I brought all of this weight with me to our marriage, years later. When Joel and I began marriage counselling, we were told my baggage was the reason our marriage was failing. This wasn’t exactly the kind of advice we needed, but it was something we trusted because nearly all the people we knew believed in it.

What I didn’t realize was that Joel was pushing my buttons because he was hitting on the same things my abusers had hit on. He had zeroed in unknowingly on all of the hurt and baggage that was inside of me.

My abuser had taken away my power when I was five, and Joel was once again taking away my power when we fought by rekindling the violation I had felt so long ago.

At the time, Joel was afraid of confronting the heavy stuff. He’d often say, “Go talk to your girlfriends, go talk to God.”. I can’t handle this; it’s too heavy for me!I exploded because of his unwillingness to help me explore and heal my pain. Our marriage was crumbling.

But I’m here to tell you that just like Jesus loved and healed the Church, a husband can love and heal his wife.

I stand here now a whole woman — and someone who has found the strength to forgive those who hurt me. It’s all because of what the Lord has done in our marriage. I have been healed by Joel’s unconditional love. Had we followed traditional Christian marriage counseling methods, we never would have learned the truth.

Joel has healed too, as a result of his unlimited and pure love for me. We are stronger and happier than we have ever been, through the grace and power of God.  Amen.

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  • : @poniewozik I love and watch both NCIS and Glee. But I am a tv addict. :-) 02/09/11 05:47pm
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

marriage workshops August 18, 2009 at 4:52 pm

Admittedly the beginning was a bit heart-wrenching but I’m glad everything is okay now. Your story just proves that love and God can indeed conquer anything. More power!

Jacqueline Chaba August 20, 2009 at 11:42 pm

I am a 22 yr old single woman. I may be single but these teachings build me inside so they for everyone who want knowledge and to be helped. I thank God that you are spreading these word of wisdom to the nation. God Bless You!!!

Jacqueline Chaba August 20, 2009 at 11:55 pm

I am a 22 yr old single woman. I know and understand that this side is for people having marriage problems but these teachings builded me inside and to me they are for everyone who want knowledge and understanding. I thank God that you are spreading these words of wisdom to the nation. God Bless You!!!

Joel and Kathy August 21, 2009 at 2:21 pm

Great! We have a singles section at our forum http://www.JoelandKathy.com/boards/ Would love for you to get involved there!

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